Episode 41: How to Make People Like You by Serving Your Tribe
Hello everyone and welcome, welcome, welcome to yet another episode of Kosmo Unfiltered.
As usual, I’m joined by my man, Wes.
And I’m excited for today’s episode.
Today I’m gonna tell you about why everything you’re doing to try and win people over is completely wrong.
Well I’m just kidding… but… that’s still kinda what we’re talking about.
We’re gonna show you how you can serve other people, and the only real way to get them to help you out when you need it, too.
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So without further ado, let’s get right into it!
The Quickest Way to Learn About People
Here’s something I wrote down when I was making the notes for this episode.
“Serving others without expectation or return shows who you can keep in your life and who you should get rid of.”
And what I mean by this is that you can quickly determine who can stay in your life and who you can get rid of.
Like for example, if I went and asked one of my friends if they needed help with something…
If they say yes - that’s cool. I’m happy to help.
But if they say yes - and then I catch them sitting on their ass doing nothing… then we have a problem, because they’re just taking advantage of other people.
My wife is probably the person who is best at reading this. She is always able to see people’s true intentions before they reveal them. It’s amazing.
And I so wish that I had been taught this at a much earlier age, because it would have helped me move along so much faster than what I actually did.
Because the ability to recognize the people to kick out of your life and then actually do it, is so so valuable. Honestly it’s one of the most valuable skills that I’ve been lucky enough to learn.
Learning about people: part 2
Well there’s a second part to this.
Because once you identify how you want to start giving to people, you need to know what they actually want.
There’s a great chapter on this in How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
He talks about always seeing things from other people’s perspective. He uses the example of going fishing, and using worms (what the fish want) as bait, and not candy (what humans like). Do you see what I mean?
And I was talking to a guy about this and he was telling me about his relationship with his spouse.
He told me “Oh I do X, Y and Z for my spouse.”
But he was just listing things that were important to him. When I asked him to list things that were important to her, he said “Well, I don’t know”.
That was all I needed to know.
He was basically saying to her “I need you to act this way so I can like you more.”
So I asked him how he would feel if his spouse said that to him.
And that led me to think, I’ve never seen a fight in which the root of the disagreement wasn’t selfishness.
It’s always there. One way or another.
Like to say “You didn't take out the trash.”
… Is basically another way of saying, “I need you to take out the trash.”
I mean when you phrase it like that it sounds pretty selfish, doesn’t it?
And the issue is that saying things like this is considered to be NORMAL in most relationships, isn’t that crazy?
And I ain’t just here to sit on my high horse and say “Oh, look at me, aren’t I so great?!”
Because I ain’t. I ain’t perfect at doing all this stuff. But I’m trying.
So, I actually went and made a list of things I can start saying that would improve the situation.
Take a look at these and lemme know what you think.
“Can I Help?”
“Are you okay?”
“How can I be your servant?” (OK - I know it’s cheesy.)
What are some ways you can serve your tribe better, what can you do to help them? Let us know and tag us on social media.
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