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Episode 14: Why People Can’t Get Along

Episode 14: Why People Can’t Get Along

Hello and welcome, welcome, welcome to the latest episode of Kosmo Unfiltered.

Today we are gonna be talkin’ about somethin you can never escape from.

Never. No matter how hard you try.

Today we are talkin’ about getting along with people. Or I should say, not getting along with people.

Cos’ getting along with people is maybe the most important skill you could ever have.

No seriously, no matter what area of your life you wanna improve, havin’ the right skills to deal with people and knowin’ what makes them tick is all part of the game.

So buckle up, and let’s get into this one!

Emotional Allergies

Are you guys allergic to anything?

Cos, I believe that we all have emotional allergies to deal with in our relationships.

Now before I explain this, lemme just get something off my chest real quick to preface this. 

I ain’t a therapist. I ain’t an expert.

Basically - don’t take this advice too seriously and don’t rely on it to do any miracles. It’s just my two cents at the end of the day.

Now, in my eyes, we all have emotional allergies. They will fire off like allergic reactions when somebody triggers them. 

Like, take me and cottonwood, for example. Even if I just see it, I’m taking every medicine and every single thing under the sun to help me bury that allergy right into the ground.

And in a marriage, it’s the exact same kind of concept. What happens is that somebody sets off something that triggers the other, and that build-up of energy sits there.

And when you’re both just sitting on those negative emotions, it builds up and grows even stronger as time passes.

What I Learned on a Marriage Retreat

So a couple of years ago, my wife and I went on a marriage retreat, and this is where I first came across this idea, this was when it hit home for me.

We did this quiz kinda thing, and when I got the results back, I learned that I have a fear of abandonment. So when I wasn’t getting the right kind of attention or that my wife was abandoning me, I would start an argument.

That’s what my emotional allergy was in the relationship.

Then the tension would build, an argument starts, and the emotion lingers around for a long time afterward. 

It all comes down to something that a guy explained to me a long time ago.

He said to me that we all see our lives through different filters, yet none of us actually know about each other's filters.

Like I could never imagine being able to see the world through the eyes of somebody who has survived the holocaust, or a former president or a man who has lived to 100, you get me?

So it’s crazy to think that we just assume everyone has seen the world through the exact same lens that we have. Just crazy, man!

Catching the Trigger

So in this citation, armed with what I’ve spoken about above…

Your job is to catch the trigger when it comes. 

And man, this is something that I’m still fighting to do every day of my life. 

Like just around a couple of days ago, I was letting my mind wander. And when I noticed that it was wandering a place that I didn’t want it to go to, I had to hold things up and tell it to slow down.

This was all when I was literally sitting opposite some guy, too. So whatever facial expressions I was making, he could see all of them, too!

But anyway, the point is that when this kinda thing happens, somebody hits your emotional allergy, you just gotta make sure that you react in the right way to it.

What’s the best way to do that?

Grace and compassion. Always.

Grace and compassion is the only proven way to get emotional control of something, then allow it to just pass.

That’s it. 

It’s simple when you get under the skin of it.

Homework

Do you have any emotional allergies? What are you doing to try and manage them better? Let us know by tweeting us @kosmounfiltered.

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