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Episode 9: Why I Give Trust and Let Them Earn Mistrust

Episode 9: Why I Give Trust and Let Them Earn Mistrust

Guys, trust is super important.

Havin’ a relationship with no trust in it is like havin’ a burger with no patty in it (or no kind of filling in it for all my vegan fans).

Like what I mean is that trust is literally the bonding factor in any relationship.

It doesn’t matter if this is your spouse, your co-workers, or even just your buddies. Trust is what makes a friendship what it actually is. 

So in today’s post, we’re gonna walk through what trust actually is, who you should give your trust to and what action you gotta take when someone breaks it…

So let’s not waste any more time and get straight into it.

Trusting People Straight off the Bat

Ya’know, me and my wife talk about this a lot. 

She’ll always tell me something on the lines that I give so much trust to people upfront. And she never understands it.

She tells me that what I do then is that I yank all my trust back when somebody shows me they don’t deserve it. An’ I didn’t think there was a whole lot wrong with this… heck, I even thought this was what everybody did.

But now, when I think about it, this is the way I think everyone should be.

You give people your trust upfront, then allow them to earn your mistrust.

You understand?

You pay your trust upfront and take a refund if they misearn it.

But I get that sometimes that’s not always possible….

The Two Types of People to Trust

“Yeah, but Kosmo, I can’t just trust anybody. Are you out of your mind ?!?!”

Okay, Okay, Okay, I getcha.

See, I guess there’s two kinds of trust.

Imagine you’re out in a mountain cabin in an Airbnb or somethin’ like that. You look out over the mountains. You see a guy standing on the other side of the hill walkin’ in the direction of your little cabin.

Okay, I guess it would make sense that you don’t give that guy all the trust in the world. Or if you get a shady email telling you that Bill Gates is willing to pay five thousand dollars for you to test his new Microsoft feature… yeah, probably best to avoid that kinda stuff.

But then there’s the other side of the coin.

When you hire a new employee or even get hired as one, you have to make sure that you trust this person well enough to do the job for you. You just can’t trust them 50% of the way, or 60% or 70%.

It’s just not gonna cut it.

It’s just gonna leave them feeling like you’re watching over their shoulder all the time. 

Or let’s say you’re in a relationship. I mean, marriages are literally built upon nothing else but trust. Trust is quite literally what the definition of marriage is, right? So in this kinda situation ya’ gotta make sure that it’s clear between you and your partner.

Callin’ Out Mistrust

But at the end of the day, you know how it goes. Not everyone pays you back the trust you give them.

So when this happens, you gotta figure out a way you can deal with that, and you can move on from it.

So, for example, when somebody isn’t true to their word I always think about what their intention was.

So, for example, Matt, who we work with, broke a small promise we made last week. But he took it like a champ.

He put his hands straight up and said Yup. That’s on me. My bad.

And you know what we said then. We said, ‘OK. Cool.’. And we started a clean slate from there. It’s as simple as that.

But then, whenever people don’t own up to their mistakes, and I realize maybe I shouldn’t have trusted them, all sorts of emotions come out to play.

Because when trust is broken but bridges aren’t built, that’s when anger and resentment start to come through.

An’ I spoke in the last episode about how when I used to speak to a therapist every now and then, what she would tell me is that when you feel anger, it’s like a little person on a stage in your head, and everybody else has to come away from it.

It’s the same kinda thing here. When people break trust, and it’s not dealt with properly, anger comes out and controls the stage. 

Homework

What is one thing that you can commit to today to overcome distrusting people and building better relationships? Let us know by tweeting us @kosmounfiltered.

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